Before I start talking about what all went into our decision to share sleep with our babe, I want to clarify a few things. First of all, in my previous post I continually refer to what we do as co-sleeping. And as I did a bit more reading the past few days I realize that I was, partially, in error.
Co-sleeping refers to those families that choose to sleep in proximity to their child. This could mean having the child sleep in a crib in the same room, a side car, a close-by bassinet, a futon on the floor. All of these options fall under the umbrella term of co-sleeping. And, given this definition, co-sleeping is something that we always intended to do.
Bed sharing on the other hand, what we are currently doing, was never in the initial plan. Bed sharing is a subset of co-sleeping and refers to those families that choose to share their actual physical sleeping space with their child. While co-sleeping was always in the plan, bed sharing certainly was not. Our home here in Japan was equipped with a baby futon ready for Ewan to sleep on. On our list of items we needed when we returned to America, a crib featured prominently. If we have learned anything in the past three months as parents, we have learned that it is important to have plans and ideas about how you want to raise your child, but that it is also important not to be so rigid in those ideas or ways that you aren’t able to adapt when a change is needed.
Beginning during pregnancy I had been exposed to the idea of co-sleeping and bed-sharing. Most of the books related to pregnancy, birth, and childrearing that I read were written by people who support the attachment parenting style of raising children. While co-sleeping and bed-sharing aren’t required elements of attachment parenting, they are certainly elements that are accepted, and many might say encouraged.
Having read that type of literature, we were familiar with the ways that co-sleeping could help us be successful parents and thus we were ready and willing to give it a try. Most importantly, it can help the entire family to get better sleep. With the whole family close to each other it is easy to quickly respond to babies cues. It is easy to hear the baby start to stir and respond by feeding, checking a diaper or providing some warmth and comfort before the baby fully wakes. This makes it easier to meet the babies needs and help them drift back to sleep quickly. The faster that the baby can drift back to sleep, the faster that the whole family can.
Also, co-sleeping helps mothers establish a good breastfeeding relationship because the baby and mother are near to one another. Babies, especially young newborns, need frequent feedings around the clock, especially breastfed babies since breastmilk digests faster than formula. While feeding around the clock is demanding for a mother, it is necessary to make sure that the baby grows and thrives. Co-sleeping is one way to make this demanding phase a bit easier on everyone, rather than trying to eliminate night-feedings as soon as possible.
In our case, it was particularly important after our prolonged separation, and due to Ewan’s prematurity, to establish a good breastfeeding relationship. Our separation meant that it took longer than usual for my milk to come in and Ewan’s prematurity meant that he needed more frequent feedings than the average newborn. Co-sleeping allowed us the proximity and closeness that we had missed out on during his separation, being near to one another increases prolactin in the mother and thereby helps with milk supply and let-down. It also allowed me to feed him as much and as frequently as his little body needed to grow big and strong.
Even with all this night feeding, every hour or two at the beginning, I was still able to rest well. Many co-sleeping mothers, with a little practice, are able to master nursing in a side-lying position. This allows baby to nurse and mama to rest at the same time. When baby is finished feeding, he or she usually drifts back to sleep quickly and peacefully without needing to be jostled and placed back in a separate sleeping space. When mama is able to rest during night feedings and baby is able to easily fall back to sleep, they aren’t so bothersome.
In addition to helping the family get good rest and making breastfeeding easier, co-sleeping allows parents to be as available to their babies during nighttime hours as they are during the day. This helps babies understand that they can rely on their parents to quickly, and sensitively, respond to their needs during light and darkness. Responding to babies needs in a quick and loving way helps to build trust between the baby and the parent, and helps to create more independent children. Contrary to what many people think, that co-sleeping kids are more dependent, many studies have shown the opposite to be true. A child is free to be more independent when they have a secure attachment to their loving and responsive caretakers. With that secure attachment in place, they are more comfortable taking risks and stepping away because they know, without a doubt, that they have a safe place to come back to. If a babies cries are met intermittently, during the day but not at night, for example, babies may have difficulty trusting their caregivers, and these babies, and the resulting young people, can be clingy and dependent.
Additionally, several new studies show that the risks of SIDS go down when babies and mothers co-sleep. This is, they believe, due to the interaction and regulation between mother and baby. Babies that co-sleep tend to wake and nurse more frequently, meaning that they spend less time in the deep sleep where SIDS is most likely. Additionally, studies have shown that an infants breathing imitates that of the mother when they are close-by. This interaction helps the very primitive newborn to regulate their breathing and helps to prevent dangerous cases of apnea.
So, those are the benefits that we took into consideration when we made our decision to co-sleep with Ewan. Additionally, we were heavily influenced by living in Japan and the fact that the vast majority of families here co-sleep for extended periods. But, more on that in the next installment.
My apologies now for not linking or backing this up with the research I have read. I have read so much, from so many different sources, that I have a hard time keeping it straight with what came from where. Perhaps someday I will come back and add some relevant references and links, but for now this is just an off-the-cuff post about some of the reasons why we chose to co-sleep.
